The Dos and Don’ts of Facebook Dating
Logging on to find love? Here's how to make a successful connection through social networking
Kimberly Dawn Neumann ON Oct 25, 2010 at 2:56PM
The Dos and Don’ts of Facebook Dating
Tempted to troll Facebook for dates? Experts say you should keep a few key rules in mind. Here, former The Bachelor star Matt Grant (you know, the cute British guy with over 3000 FB friends) and dating guru David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers, share seven cyber-dos and don’ts to help you secure your happy ending. We call it social date-working.
DO: Your Homework
Peruse your list of Facebook pals, then take a peek at their friend lists, suggests Wygant. Intrigued by someone you find there? Instead of shooting over a blind friend request, you can up your chances of a successful love connection by asking your mutual friend about that individual first. Just saying, "What do I have to do to get you to e-troduce us?” is usually enough to get the ball rolling. And don’t be afraid to pick the brain of your friend beforehand. He or she may be able to offer you some interesting tidbits about your new potential lover's personality and lifestyle, and that can help you decide if you’re truly compatible.
DO: Stand Out in the Crowd
Once your friend gives you the heads up, send your new love interest a light FB note like, “Hey, I’m Bill’s friend and I would love to chat if you’re game,” suggests Wygant. But don’t forget to include something of substance in this message, something to bond over. “For example, mention a comment they made on your shared friend’s profile, like, ‘We’re both in total agreement over the healthcare issue,’ or quote something you saw on their profile.” Search for common ground. “That way the initial connection becomes more about meaningful, shared interests -- not simple superficiality like ‘I saw your photo and think you’re hot,’” says Wygant.
DON’T: Come On Too Strong
“You would not believe how many women send me inappropriate photos of themselves via Facebook because of my appearance on The Bachelor,” says Grant, whose TV stint prompted an avalanche of FB friend requests. "It tells me they are likely only interested in appearances -- not a real relationship," he says.
DON’T: Dwell On Rejection
News stories of psychos on the Net can lead even the friendliest of people to throw up their iGuard. If you’re rejected, don’t ruminate, just move on. “People should be allowed to choose whether they accept or deny access without feeling guilty, and anyone on Facebook needs to understand that’s part of the process and not take it personally,” says Grant.
DO: Establish Boundaries
Though you may be tempted by popular apps that display your whereabouts -- Foursquare, anyone? -- when it comes to dating, discretion and privacy are at a premium. Don't advertise your location unless you are prepared to face the conquences, as in, “Why were you at a bar last night when you told me you had a headache and were staying at home?" Take the time to review your Facebook privacy settings, says Wygant. “Less information is always better, since more info can lead to misinterpretation,” he says. “Be as general as possible and only share a few personal tidbits.”
DON’T: Forget the Golden Rule
Be kind out there, and don’t let a snarky status update ruin your chances at love. Words travel fast online, and much like that game of Telephone, where one person whispers something to the next and so on and so forth until suddenly it’s twisted, an ugly word from you could get back to your date and really muck things up. “Let’s say you post that you had a horrible date. Now 300 people can read that update, and one of them could be best friends with the person you went out with, so you're basically publicly shaming somebody,” says Wygant. The bottom line: Speaking ill of others on FB is not an attractive trait.
DO: Give a Guy a Chance
You may prefer only to have Facebook friends whom you’ve met in person. If so, and a stranger reaches out to you, make sure you have a separate, nondescript email address on hand for them, Wygant suggests. That way you can politely write back and say something like, “I'm flattered you took the initiative to friend me, but I keep my Facebook page limited to people I’ve actually met in person, since I post personal information. But if you’d like to tell me a little more about yourself, feel free to email username@dot.com.” It’s a polite way to maintain your privacy, and keeps open the option of social date-working without giving the whole world access to your FB page.
MY THOUGHTS
by far,i have not really heard of anyone who's actually looking for FB dates. well, maybe my circle is past the "seeking" and "running after" games. the rules seem very sensible though.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
3 Most Annoying Facebook Habits
3 Most Annoying Facebook Habits that Bug Your Friends
By Kathy Kristof
Sep 23, 2010
Facebook friends, honest, I really like you. But, no. I won’t milk your cow or join Mafia Wars so you can take over the south side of Insanityville, where you’ve suddenly gone to live.
And in my household, if you throw food at me, somebody’s going to smack your hand.
Before you “de-friend” me (and when did “friend” become a verb?), I’d like to say that I love your family photos; the class reunion updates; and the funny stories about your kids. I even like to know what you’re doing at work and when you’ve made a really fabulous meal — or deal.
But this new technology gives us the ability to engage in the electronic equivalent of eating with our mouths open or talking through a movie. Sometimes these bad habits can even hit your friends in the pocketbook, which is not a nice thing to do.
We’d never do these things in real life because we’d know they were impolite, annoying and hurtful. But perhaps because so many of us are new to social cyberspace, we’re not as aware of how we’re bugging our Facebook friends.
Here, according to my informal survey, are the 3 most annoying (and costly) things we do on Facebook and how we can handle them differently.
Farmville: Some 60 million of you are building cute little farms in cyberspace and swapping animated livestock. In fact, so many of you are spending real money to buy and build pretend barns and corn fields that Facebook has created it’s own currency. And Farmville is just one of more than a dozen games that people spend hours playing on Facebook. What makes the games so popular? According to both Time Magazine and the web-site Cracked, Farmville manipulates you into playing.
To be sure, no one should tell you that you can’t spend your hard-earned cash to buy pretend machine guns to protect your pixelated turf in Mafia Wars. But the constant updates generated so many complaints that Facebook just announced changes that will restrict the number of posts sent to non-gamers.
Still, the games encourage players to manipulate their friends into playing with pleas like: “My cow is lost! Please help me find her!” Or “Help me build my barn/plant my crops/fix my tractor!” Seriously, you asked for less help when your mother was in the hospital.
It makes us feel guilty to ignore you. After all we love you, but we’re working and Bessy, the lost cow, is not real. If you promise to stop asking us for help on a farm that exists only in cyberspace, we promise to help when you need us in real life. In the meantime, please stop sending us goats.
Chronic “like”rs: Some people seem to “like” everything and need affirmation that you do too. First you get the message: “Suzie likes rainbows and wants you to like them too!” And you think…Uhm…Okay. Seems silly, but who doesn’t like rainbows? Click.
Barely a second goes by before Suzie is liking unicorns and walks on the beach and sailboats and dolphins. She wants you to click the “like” button too! Right about now my thoughts turn sinister:“I am not a Care Bear.”
What’s this whole “like” thing about anyway? Marketing, according to Justin Brookman, senior fellow at the Center for Democracy and Technology in Washington, D.C. He says the current “like” button is the latest iteration of “fan” pages, which are aimed at selling everything from books to blogs.
When you click on “like,” your profile information suddenly changes to add unicorns and rainbows and Mama Di’s Restaurant and Target and Black & Decker skill saws. Pretty soon, your Facebook account becomes a fast-clicking billboard for a panoply of products, drawing advertisers to you like flies.
Worse, says Brookman, is that malicious programmers know how easily we’re all affected by habit and peer pressure. So they create buttons that say: “click like to see something cool.” If you get that message from a friend, you’re likely to click on the “cool” thing your friend recommended and find out that it just hacked into your system and installed worms and malware that are not cool at all. One of these worms, by the way, is going to send an identical message to all of your friends, so you can infect them too.
Like as many things as you like in the real world, but use Facebook’s “like” button sparingly.
Impolitic Tagging: You went to a party, had a few too many drinks and ended up napping under the table, drooling into the host’s Labrador. Naturally, somebody snapped a cellphone picture and posted it on Facebook.
The photo is funny. Your friends want to see it. Posting an embarrassing photo of a friend is not the crime. The crime is “tagging” the photo so that your friend’s employer, or prospective employer, can easily find it too.
Jodi Schneider, a veteran recruiter and trainer who writes the blog DCWorks, tells all job applicants to “scrub” their Facebook profiles before sending out resumes. But one of the most pernicious problems for young applicants are friends, who never think twice before tagging an impolitic photo.
For those who don’t know, “tagging” just means that you’ve labeled a photo with a person’s name. Once labeled, that photo is going to show up on the “tagged” person’s Facebook account, whether they put it there or not.
That could keep your buddy from getting work, said Schneider. So post all the photos you want, but use some discretion about identifying a friend acting badly.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't mind the "invites". you can always ignore them. and the "likes". but the "tags"!!! i don't dislike them. i think people mean well. it's just unsettling to find your "unwanted" pic over the net. i'd like to choose the pics i post. thank you.
By Kathy Kristof
Sep 23, 2010
Facebook friends, honest, I really like you. But, no. I won’t milk your cow or join Mafia Wars so you can take over the south side of Insanityville, where you’ve suddenly gone to live.
And in my household, if you throw food at me, somebody’s going to smack your hand.
Before you “de-friend” me (and when did “friend” become a verb?), I’d like to say that I love your family photos; the class reunion updates; and the funny stories about your kids. I even like to know what you’re doing at work and when you’ve made a really fabulous meal — or deal.
But this new technology gives us the ability to engage in the electronic equivalent of eating with our mouths open or talking through a movie. Sometimes these bad habits can even hit your friends in the pocketbook, which is not a nice thing to do.
We’d never do these things in real life because we’d know they were impolite, annoying and hurtful. But perhaps because so many of us are new to social cyberspace, we’re not as aware of how we’re bugging our Facebook friends.
Here, according to my informal survey, are the 3 most annoying (and costly) things we do on Facebook and how we can handle them differently.
Farmville: Some 60 million of you are building cute little farms in cyberspace and swapping animated livestock. In fact, so many of you are spending real money to buy and build pretend barns and corn fields that Facebook has created it’s own currency. And Farmville is just one of more than a dozen games that people spend hours playing on Facebook. What makes the games so popular? According to both Time Magazine and the web-site Cracked, Farmville manipulates you into playing.
To be sure, no one should tell you that you can’t spend your hard-earned cash to buy pretend machine guns to protect your pixelated turf in Mafia Wars. But the constant updates generated so many complaints that Facebook just announced changes that will restrict the number of posts sent to non-gamers.
Still, the games encourage players to manipulate their friends into playing with pleas like: “My cow is lost! Please help me find her!” Or “Help me build my barn/plant my crops/fix my tractor!” Seriously, you asked for less help when your mother was in the hospital.
It makes us feel guilty to ignore you. After all we love you, but we’re working and Bessy, the lost cow, is not real. If you promise to stop asking us for help on a farm that exists only in cyberspace, we promise to help when you need us in real life. In the meantime, please stop sending us goats.
Chronic “like”rs: Some people seem to “like” everything and need affirmation that you do too. First you get the message: “Suzie likes rainbows and wants you to like them too!” And you think…Uhm…Okay. Seems silly, but who doesn’t like rainbows? Click.
Barely a second goes by before Suzie is liking unicorns and walks on the beach and sailboats and dolphins. She wants you to click the “like” button too! Right about now my thoughts turn sinister:“I am not a Care Bear.”
What’s this whole “like” thing about anyway? Marketing, according to Justin Brookman, senior fellow at the Center for Democracy and Technology in Washington, D.C. He says the current “like” button is the latest iteration of “fan” pages, which are aimed at selling everything from books to blogs.
When you click on “like,” your profile information suddenly changes to add unicorns and rainbows and Mama Di’s Restaurant and Target and Black & Decker skill saws. Pretty soon, your Facebook account becomes a fast-clicking billboard for a panoply of products, drawing advertisers to you like flies.
Worse, says Brookman, is that malicious programmers know how easily we’re all affected by habit and peer pressure. So they create buttons that say: “click like to see something cool.” If you get that message from a friend, you’re likely to click on the “cool” thing your friend recommended and find out that it just hacked into your system and installed worms and malware that are not cool at all. One of these worms, by the way, is going to send an identical message to all of your friends, so you can infect them too.
Like as many things as you like in the real world, but use Facebook’s “like” button sparingly.
Impolitic Tagging: You went to a party, had a few too many drinks and ended up napping under the table, drooling into the host’s Labrador. Naturally, somebody snapped a cellphone picture and posted it on Facebook.
The photo is funny. Your friends want to see it. Posting an embarrassing photo of a friend is not the crime. The crime is “tagging” the photo so that your friend’s employer, or prospective employer, can easily find it too.
Jodi Schneider, a veteran recruiter and trainer who writes the blog DCWorks, tells all job applicants to “scrub” their Facebook profiles before sending out resumes. But one of the most pernicious problems for young applicants are friends, who never think twice before tagging an impolitic photo.
For those who don’t know, “tagging” just means that you’ve labeled a photo with a person’s name. Once labeled, that photo is going to show up on the “tagged” person’s Facebook account, whether they put it there or not.
That could keep your buddy from getting work, said Schneider. So post all the photos you want, but use some discretion about identifying a friend acting badly.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't mind the "invites". you can always ignore them. and the "likes". but the "tags"!!! i don't dislike them. i think people mean well. it's just unsettling to find your "unwanted" pic over the net. i'd like to choose the pics i post. thank you.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
something you should know about the facebook "like" button
Facebook Turns "Like" Button Into Two-Way Street, Challenging Amazon for Buyer Data
By Chris Dannen
Jul 26, 2010
Facebook has just announced that it will allow publishers to contact users who have “liked” a page by inserting things into that user’s News Feed. The new feature may annoy users, and that may be the idea. By providing an incentive to use their “likes” wisely, Facebook will help turn the Like button — once a relatively blunt instrument — into a much more refined tool.
The Like button has a very specific purpose, but until now, it wasn’t very good at its job. Like Amazon’s (AMZN) huge catalog of past purchases, or Mint’s (INTU) new “saving” features, Facebook’s Like button is an experiment in purchase data: it’s meant to figure out what you, the user, would like to buy. But unlike Amazon’s data, which is based on actual things you bought, or Mint’s system, which asks you what you’d like to save up for, the data Facebook’s Like button collected was susceptible to all kinds of inaccuracies.
As Ad Age wrote in May:
[The Like button] is tough to choke down even for a data junkie at his weakest. If you show me a cheeseburger and ask me if I “like” it, at any given time of day, you are likely to get a different answer each time. Even when I like something, I may not feel compelled to click “like” unless, of course, there was some benefit to me.
As I argued at the time that the Like button would be susceptible to false “likes,” clicked out of boredom, or out of profligacy, or simply because someone set up an SEO-style system that encouraged people to “like” something for some kind of reward.
But making the Like button into a two-way street means that there are consequences to hitting every Like button in sight. It will turn the News Feed into a kind of inbox where publishers whose stuff you’ve liked can now try to push more of their wares in front of your eyeballs. (If you “liked” a product on the Sears (SHLD) site, for example, Sears could stick ads for more products into your Facebook News Feed.)
This disincentive may help insulate against illegitimate likes. But Facebook isn’t stopping there: it’s also providing tools to help add qualitative information to the button. The company has also built out the ability for the Like button to take comments and publish them in friends’ News Feeds, and has also improved analytics on the button. As the Facebook developer site says:
Now, when a user adds a comment to the iFrame version of the Like button, a larger, more prominent story will be shared with the user’s friends. In the past, we’ve seen comments result in increased distribution and referral traffic.
Even with these refinements, we’ve only begun to see the potential of the Like button.
MY THOUGHTS
well, this is something i don't like. the newsfeed gets crowded enough i have learned to use "hide". the "like" button can be good - if we use it wisely, just like everything else.
By Chris Dannen
Jul 26, 2010
Facebook has just announced that it will allow publishers to contact users who have “liked” a page by inserting things into that user’s News Feed. The new feature may annoy users, and that may be the idea. By providing an incentive to use their “likes” wisely, Facebook will help turn the Like button — once a relatively blunt instrument — into a much more refined tool.
The Like button has a very specific purpose, but until now, it wasn’t very good at its job. Like Amazon’s (AMZN) huge catalog of past purchases, or Mint’s (INTU) new “saving” features, Facebook’s Like button is an experiment in purchase data: it’s meant to figure out what you, the user, would like to buy. But unlike Amazon’s data, which is based on actual things you bought, or Mint’s system, which asks you what you’d like to save up for, the data Facebook’s Like button collected was susceptible to all kinds of inaccuracies.
As Ad Age wrote in May:
[The Like button] is tough to choke down even for a data junkie at his weakest. If you show me a cheeseburger and ask me if I “like” it, at any given time of day, you are likely to get a different answer each time. Even when I like something, I may not feel compelled to click “like” unless, of course, there was some benefit to me.
As I argued at the time that the Like button would be susceptible to false “likes,” clicked out of boredom, or out of profligacy, or simply because someone set up an SEO-style system that encouraged people to “like” something for some kind of reward.
But making the Like button into a two-way street means that there are consequences to hitting every Like button in sight. It will turn the News Feed into a kind of inbox where publishers whose stuff you’ve liked can now try to push more of their wares in front of your eyeballs. (If you “liked” a product on the Sears (SHLD) site, for example, Sears could stick ads for more products into your Facebook News Feed.)
This disincentive may help insulate against illegitimate likes. But Facebook isn’t stopping there: it’s also providing tools to help add qualitative information to the button. The company has also built out the ability for the Like button to take comments and publish them in friends’ News Feeds, and has also improved analytics on the button. As the Facebook developer site says:
Now, when a user adds a comment to the iFrame version of the Like button, a larger, more prominent story will be shared with the user’s friends. In the past, we’ve seen comments result in increased distribution and referral traffic.
Even with these refinements, we’ve only begun to see the potential of the Like button.
MY THOUGHTS
well, this is something i don't like. the newsfeed gets crowded enough i have learned to use "hide". the "like" button can be good - if we use it wisely, just like everything else.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
does social networking impact work
Does Social Networking Impact Work? Survey Reports
Social media sites are becoming some of the most heavily trafficked sites on the internet, including in the workplace, according to a recent poll. The survey, conducted by Right Management, gathered data from over 1,000 respondents concerning employee use of social networking sites during work hours.
While about half of the organizations reported blocking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, others have decided to use the social networking sites as a business tool. Organizations are using the sites to reach out to clients, potential customers, employees, and job seekers.
Overall, 18 percent of respondents reported that social networking on the job often interferes with productivity, while 41 percent said that it sometimes does.
The survey also found some interesting statistics comparing the following criteria:
•Company Size: 51% of workers at an organization with 10,000 or more employees responded that it seldom interferes, compared to 41% at smaller organizations.
•Department: 62% of IT professionals said it seldom interferes, compared to 30% of sales professionals who reported that it often interferes.
•Age: 47% of workers aged 35-44 said that it seldom interferes, compared to 35% of those 18-24.
Organizations need to keep up with the growing presence of social media sites. A recent poll by Manpower suggested that as many as 75 percent of employers do not have a formal policy concerning the use of social networking sites. There are social media policies available on HR.BLR.com (subscription or trial-membership required):
MY THOUGHTS
better include this in the policy manual. it can really affect productivity. i think i won't mind when people can still come-up with excellent work even if social networking sites are not barred. but that's rare. i'm pretty sure, excellent professionals won't have time to use facebook at work. they will be too busy producing results.
Social media sites are becoming some of the most heavily trafficked sites on the internet, including in the workplace, according to a recent poll. The survey, conducted by Right Management, gathered data from over 1,000 respondents concerning employee use of social networking sites during work hours.
While about half of the organizations reported blocking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, others have decided to use the social networking sites as a business tool. Organizations are using the sites to reach out to clients, potential customers, employees, and job seekers.
Overall, 18 percent of respondents reported that social networking on the job often interferes with productivity, while 41 percent said that it sometimes does.
The survey also found some interesting statistics comparing the following criteria:
•Company Size: 51% of workers at an organization with 10,000 or more employees responded that it seldom interferes, compared to 41% at smaller organizations.
•Department: 62% of IT professionals said it seldom interferes, compared to 30% of sales professionals who reported that it often interferes.
•Age: 47% of workers aged 35-44 said that it seldom interferes, compared to 35% of those 18-24.
Organizations need to keep up with the growing presence of social media sites. A recent poll by Manpower suggested that as many as 75 percent of employers do not have a formal policy concerning the use of social networking sites. There are social media policies available on HR.BLR.com (subscription or trial-membership required):
MY THOUGHTS
better include this in the policy manual. it can really affect productivity. i think i won't mind when people can still come-up with excellent work even if social networking sites are not barred. but that's rare. i'm pretty sure, excellent professionals won't have time to use facebook at work. they will be too busy producing results.
can facebook hurt relationships
Facebook And Relationships: Is There A Dark Side To Social Media Network Overshare?
By: Wilson Kerr
Every so often a disruptive innovation take root so rapidly that negative sociological impacts are masked by the euphoria of the initial rush to acceptance.
Facebook has over 500 Million users and the average active user spends 55 minutes per day checking or updating their newsfeed. If we assume all users are “active”, this amounts to (the equivalent of) an incredible 52,279 YEARS per day spent on Facebook.
There is no doubt that Facebook has reconnected old friends, served as an easy bridge for quick communication, and allowed people to share their business and personal lives in a new and exciting ways. But is there a societal downside to this torrent of flippant, instantaneous, and often narcissistic overshare? Aside from the security and privacy implications of sharing inappropriate details of location or age or sexuality, there is another element that I am not sure has been explored fully.
Is Facebook causing divorce? Increasing evidence suggests that easy access to out-of-context personal details and feelings from others can become a distraction and temptation that fuels the exploration of unconstructive possibilities by the recipient. Can quickly and easily reconnecting with people from one’s past cause the reawakening of feelings that are out of context and likely irrelevant, yet real and powerful enough to cause marital disruption?
Clearly, Facebook does not cause divorce, as there are any manner of ways to end a marriage, if one is so inclined. But this new form of communication is clearly having some effect on relationships, as it opens a door to the past instantly and fuels communication between people in a radically new way.
While data is as scant as Facebook is new, an article from Australia digs into the issue, stating that, “British divorce firm Divorce-Online said Facebook was cited in one-fifth of the divorce petitions it processed last year…Australian Family Relationships Clearing House manager Elly Robinson said online behavior was causing friction in households. “Relationships develop more quickly online because inhibitions are lowered, it’s easy to exchange information, people are online 24/7, there’s an (endless) amount of people you can link up with who are there for the same reason, real life pressures fade away … it’s a bit of a fantasy world,” she said.
CNET blogger Chris Matyszczyk has written several posts about this subject and, in one, explores the notion of Facebook fueling a sort of addictive jealousy feedback loop, whereby potentially damaging communication is happened upon by one partner, causing a disruptive, endless loop of distrust to form, with Facebook at the center of this storm of discontent.
Obviously, a phone call or an email or letter can accomplish a reconnection to an old flame, if one is so inclined. But Facebook allows this curiosity about the past, and the temptation to explore it, to become actionable in a matter of seconds. Like a magic, instantaneous worldwide time machine Rolodex, complete with photos and (often) intimate details, Facebook fosters connections and the sharing of thoughts and feelings that are perhaps detrimental to one’s current situation, or at least out of context.
The tendency to peek into the lives of others that Facebook fosters is by-design and how Facebook’s business model works. The more “what’s on your mind” thoughts and details shared and read, the more pages viewed, the more ads displayed, the more money Facebook makes ($800 Million annually, at last count). And this is largely positive and benign. But this also can lead to the turning over of emotional rocks from the past, that are sometimes best left undisturbed. People often do not think about how their personally charged thoughts and feelings will affect others, when broadcast to a wide audience, with a range of perspectives and loyalties.
Living in the moment, being present, and looking ahead is not something Americans are particularly good at. We tend to yearn for “days gone by” and wish we had done things differently. We devour nostalgia with an insatiable appetite for “a simpler time”. Classic Coke, The Wonder Years, Happy Days, Back To The Future, That 70's Show…the list goes on and on. Being thoughtful and aware and mindful is very important and this is especially true when communicating with others.
Facebook, on the other hand, tends to encourage flip, often thoughtless interaction and communication that sometimes causes unforeseen harm. A letter can be torn up. A private conversation held in-trust can be kept secret. A harsh exchange can be apologized for and forgotten about. But a Facebook post is different. It can be forwarded and copied and viewed without limit. A flip curiosity about “what might have been” or a personal complaint from the moment, can become locked in and temporary feelings pushed out to others without context are easily mistaken for deeper sentiments.
Those who are divorced can share their personal joy and newfound “freedom” with trusted friends who might be in the throes of a difficult period of their marriage. This overshare of thoughts, photos, and “advice” from those who have not succeeded with the hard work required to keep a marriage intact is often counter-productive and can even be purposefully disruptive.
For a frightening look at just how public Facebook is, try typing the search term (in quotes) “don’t tell anyone” into the Openbook site. This is a live searchable feed of real Facebook posts, created to demonstrate the perils of Facebook overshare.
Facebook is a powerful new social networking took with many benefits. Marriage is not always easy. Both of these statements are true. But all who use Facebook should be mindful of the need to be sensitive to others and use extra care when communicating to your network while temporarily blinded by emotion or distress.
MY THOUGHTS
this is getting really uncomfortable. come to think of it, there's so much truth in this article.
By: Wilson Kerr
Every so often a disruptive innovation take root so rapidly that negative sociological impacts are masked by the euphoria of the initial rush to acceptance.
Facebook has over 500 Million users and the average active user spends 55 minutes per day checking or updating their newsfeed. If we assume all users are “active”, this amounts to (the equivalent of) an incredible 52,279 YEARS per day spent on Facebook.
There is no doubt that Facebook has reconnected old friends, served as an easy bridge for quick communication, and allowed people to share their business and personal lives in a new and exciting ways. But is there a societal downside to this torrent of flippant, instantaneous, and often narcissistic overshare? Aside from the security and privacy implications of sharing inappropriate details of location or age or sexuality, there is another element that I am not sure has been explored fully.
Is Facebook causing divorce? Increasing evidence suggests that easy access to out-of-context personal details and feelings from others can become a distraction and temptation that fuels the exploration of unconstructive possibilities by the recipient. Can quickly and easily reconnecting with people from one’s past cause the reawakening of feelings that are out of context and likely irrelevant, yet real and powerful enough to cause marital disruption?
Clearly, Facebook does not cause divorce, as there are any manner of ways to end a marriage, if one is so inclined. But this new form of communication is clearly having some effect on relationships, as it opens a door to the past instantly and fuels communication between people in a radically new way.
While data is as scant as Facebook is new, an article from Australia digs into the issue, stating that, “British divorce firm Divorce-Online said Facebook was cited in one-fifth of the divorce petitions it processed last year…Australian Family Relationships Clearing House manager Elly Robinson said online behavior was causing friction in households. “Relationships develop more quickly online because inhibitions are lowered, it’s easy to exchange information, people are online 24/7, there’s an (endless) amount of people you can link up with who are there for the same reason, real life pressures fade away … it’s a bit of a fantasy world,” she said.
CNET blogger Chris Matyszczyk has written several posts about this subject and, in one, explores the notion of Facebook fueling a sort of addictive jealousy feedback loop, whereby potentially damaging communication is happened upon by one partner, causing a disruptive, endless loop of distrust to form, with Facebook at the center of this storm of discontent.
Obviously, a phone call or an email or letter can accomplish a reconnection to an old flame, if one is so inclined. But Facebook allows this curiosity about the past, and the temptation to explore it, to become actionable in a matter of seconds. Like a magic, instantaneous worldwide time machine Rolodex, complete with photos and (often) intimate details, Facebook fosters connections and the sharing of thoughts and feelings that are perhaps detrimental to one’s current situation, or at least out of context.
The tendency to peek into the lives of others that Facebook fosters is by-design and how Facebook’s business model works. The more “what’s on your mind” thoughts and details shared and read, the more pages viewed, the more ads displayed, the more money Facebook makes ($800 Million annually, at last count). And this is largely positive and benign. But this also can lead to the turning over of emotional rocks from the past, that are sometimes best left undisturbed. People often do not think about how their personally charged thoughts and feelings will affect others, when broadcast to a wide audience, with a range of perspectives and loyalties.
Living in the moment, being present, and looking ahead is not something Americans are particularly good at. We tend to yearn for “days gone by” and wish we had done things differently. We devour nostalgia with an insatiable appetite for “a simpler time”. Classic Coke, The Wonder Years, Happy Days, Back To The Future, That 70's Show…the list goes on and on. Being thoughtful and aware and mindful is very important and this is especially true when communicating with others.
Facebook, on the other hand, tends to encourage flip, often thoughtless interaction and communication that sometimes causes unforeseen harm. A letter can be torn up. A private conversation held in-trust can be kept secret. A harsh exchange can be apologized for and forgotten about. But a Facebook post is different. It can be forwarded and copied and viewed without limit. A flip curiosity about “what might have been” or a personal complaint from the moment, can become locked in and temporary feelings pushed out to others without context are easily mistaken for deeper sentiments.
Those who are divorced can share their personal joy and newfound “freedom” with trusted friends who might be in the throes of a difficult period of their marriage. This overshare of thoughts, photos, and “advice” from those who have not succeeded with the hard work required to keep a marriage intact is often counter-productive and can even be purposefully disruptive.
For a frightening look at just how public Facebook is, try typing the search term (in quotes) “don’t tell anyone” into the Openbook site. This is a live searchable feed of real Facebook posts, created to demonstrate the perils of Facebook overshare.
Facebook is a powerful new social networking took with many benefits. Marriage is not always easy. Both of these statements are true. But all who use Facebook should be mindful of the need to be sensitive to others and use extra care when communicating to your network while temporarily blinded by emotion or distress.
MY THOUGHTS
this is getting really uncomfortable. come to think of it, there's so much truth in this article.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
can facebook cost you your job?
‘My Facebook page cost me the job?!’
May 17, 2010 by Jared Bilski
At the very least, most employers peek at a candidates’ social networking profile in the selection process. So what turns them off the most?
A recent CareerBuilder study found that over one-third (35%) of hiring managers found content on job seekers’ social networking sites that reflected poorly on them.
The most prevalent examples included:
» Provocative or inappropriate photos or info from job seekers (53%)
» Content about job seekers drinking or using drugs (44%)
» Bad-mouthing a previous company, co-workers or clients (35%)
» Poor communication skills (29%)
» Discriminatory comments by job seeker (26%)
» Falsifying qualifications (24%), and
» Confidential info from previous employer on a job seeker’s page (20%).
Despite the fact that an increasing number of employers are using social networking sites to check up on prospective employees, many feel the practice violates individuals’ privacy rights.
Readers, what do you think? Should employers base hiring decisions on what they see on candidates’ social-networking sites? Does your company? Let us know in the Comments section.
MY THOUGHTS
well, well, well! not a bad idea. google the applicants? hmmmm.
May 17, 2010 by Jared Bilski
At the very least, most employers peek at a candidates’ social networking profile in the selection process. So what turns them off the most?
A recent CareerBuilder study found that over one-third (35%) of hiring managers found content on job seekers’ social networking sites that reflected poorly on them.
The most prevalent examples included:
» Provocative or inappropriate photos or info from job seekers (53%)
» Content about job seekers drinking or using drugs (44%)
» Bad-mouthing a previous company, co-workers or clients (35%)
» Poor communication skills (29%)
» Discriminatory comments by job seeker (26%)
» Falsifying qualifications (24%), and
» Confidential info from previous employer on a job seeker’s page (20%).
Despite the fact that an increasing number of employers are using social networking sites to check up on prospective employees, many feel the practice violates individuals’ privacy rights.
Readers, what do you think? Should employers base hiring decisions on what they see on candidates’ social-networking sites? Does your company? Let us know in the Comments section.
MY THOUGHTS
well, well, well! not a bad idea. google the applicants? hmmmm.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Privacy is Dead: How to Network Now
Privacy is Dead: How To Network Now
By Linda Stern
Facebook recently changed its privacy settings and started pasting personal data all over the web, prompting some users to quit the site and many more to scrub their profiles of interesting bits. Google “accidentally” collected massive amounts of random personal data while its roving vans were supposed to be mapping streets. A waitress in North Carolina was fired after she used her status update to complain about a lousy tip. Oh… and your underwear is showing.
Just kidding about that last one, but these are clearly tough times for people who care about their privacy. These events should force us all to accept the truth: It’s over. If you’re using Facebook, Google, Twitter, a credit card, an online banking site, or any networked computer you’ve already got billions of bits of data floating everywhere. And that data is handled and massaged by thousands of clerks, coders, advertising consultants, and random wastepaper-basket emptiers. Even if everyone involved aims to “do no evil” as Google’s motto claims, mistakes happen.
So it falls to you to try to make sure those mistakes — or outright thefts — don’t hurt you. That doesn’t mean going net free or even living off of the social networking grid; that’s just too big a sacrifice for most people. But it does mean being more judicious about how your info is handled. And it also means choosing what to worry about and what not to worry about. Here are some recommendations:
Worry about your financial data. Use only the most trustworthy banking and financial management sites, and monitor your accounts regularly to make sure that there isn’t any unauthorized access going on. CBS MoneyWatch has produced an excellent guide to protecting your financial identity.
Accept some lack of privacy for the rest of your data. It’s the price you’ll pay for online fun and convenience. Does it matter if everyone knows you’re a soccer player or gardener or lover of old school hip hop music? Maybe not. But do you want to “like” particular products or companies that will use your click as an unpaid endorsement? If you suspect that publicizing your strong political opinions or your costly stored-at-home gold coin collection could be dangerous to your career or safety, keep them off of your social profiles.
Check your Facebook settings. A nifty new program called Privacy Scanner can check your Facebook settings to make sure they’re set to the tightest levels. But don’t get too comfortable. Facebook has shown it considers privacy settings a fleeting choice. Assume that anything you’ve ever posted on the site could eventually be made public.
Be business savvy. It’s good to have some workplace friends and business colleagues as online friends. It makes you seem more like a well-rounded person and can help you build connections with people who might hire you or throw business your way in the future. But don’t grouse about work or customers on Facebook or Twitter, and don’t annoy your ‘friends’ by simply promoting your company with every post.
Limit your photo fun. People who aren’t your friends can often see pictures of you. Even though you can restrict the distribution of pictures you post yourself through your privacy settings in Facebook, other people can post pictures of you that can become public. Furthermore, both Twitter and Facebook consider themselves owners of the photos you post. So skip the beer pong shots and reserve that pole-dancing episode for your boyfriend, and only then if you really trust him to never break up with you and post it himself.
MY THOUGTHS
it's really very unsettling when someone else posts your pics for everyone else to see. i think there should be a rule that we should ask permission first before posting pics with others on it. or maybe just don't tag the pics. i used to just post pics mysef not knowing that i should change the privacy settings. now i know a better.
By Linda Stern
Facebook recently changed its privacy settings and started pasting personal data all over the web, prompting some users to quit the site and many more to scrub their profiles of interesting bits. Google “accidentally” collected massive amounts of random personal data while its roving vans were supposed to be mapping streets. A waitress in North Carolina was fired after she used her status update to complain about a lousy tip. Oh… and your underwear is showing.
Just kidding about that last one, but these are clearly tough times for people who care about their privacy. These events should force us all to accept the truth: It’s over. If you’re using Facebook, Google, Twitter, a credit card, an online banking site, or any networked computer you’ve already got billions of bits of data floating everywhere. And that data is handled and massaged by thousands of clerks, coders, advertising consultants, and random wastepaper-basket emptiers. Even if everyone involved aims to “do no evil” as Google’s motto claims, mistakes happen.
So it falls to you to try to make sure those mistakes — or outright thefts — don’t hurt you. That doesn’t mean going net free or even living off of the social networking grid; that’s just too big a sacrifice for most people. But it does mean being more judicious about how your info is handled. And it also means choosing what to worry about and what not to worry about. Here are some recommendations:
Worry about your financial data. Use only the most trustworthy banking and financial management sites, and monitor your accounts regularly to make sure that there isn’t any unauthorized access going on. CBS MoneyWatch has produced an excellent guide to protecting your financial identity.
Accept some lack of privacy for the rest of your data. It’s the price you’ll pay for online fun and convenience. Does it matter if everyone knows you’re a soccer player or gardener or lover of old school hip hop music? Maybe not. But do you want to “like” particular products or companies that will use your click as an unpaid endorsement? If you suspect that publicizing your strong political opinions or your costly stored-at-home gold coin collection could be dangerous to your career or safety, keep them off of your social profiles.
Check your Facebook settings. A nifty new program called Privacy Scanner can check your Facebook settings to make sure they’re set to the tightest levels. But don’t get too comfortable. Facebook has shown it considers privacy settings a fleeting choice. Assume that anything you’ve ever posted on the site could eventually be made public.
Be business savvy. It’s good to have some workplace friends and business colleagues as online friends. It makes you seem more like a well-rounded person and can help you build connections with people who might hire you or throw business your way in the future. But don’t grouse about work or customers on Facebook or Twitter, and don’t annoy your ‘friends’ by simply promoting your company with every post.
Limit your photo fun. People who aren’t your friends can often see pictures of you. Even though you can restrict the distribution of pictures you post yourself through your privacy settings in Facebook, other people can post pictures of you that can become public. Furthermore, both Twitter and Facebook consider themselves owners of the photos you post. So skip the beer pong shots and reserve that pole-dancing episode for your boyfriend, and only then if you really trust him to never break up with you and post it himself.
MY THOUGTHS
it's really very unsettling when someone else posts your pics for everyone else to see. i think there should be a rule that we should ask permission first before posting pics with others on it. or maybe just don't tag the pics. i used to just post pics mysef not knowing that i should change the privacy settings. now i know a better.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
6 Things You Should Never Reveal on Facebook
6 Things You Should Never Reveal on Facebook
By Kathy Kristof
The whole social networking phenomenon has millions of Americans sharing their photos, favorite songs and details about their class reunions on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and dozens of similar sites. But there are a handful of personal details that you should never say if you don’t want criminals — cyber or otherwise — to rob you blind, according to Beth Givens, executive director of the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse.
The folks at Insure.com also say that ill-advised Facebook postings increasingly can get your insurance cancelled or cause you to pay dramatically more for everything from auto to life insurance coverage. By now almost everybody knows that those drunken party photos could cost you a job, too.
You can certainly enjoy networking and sharing photos, but you should know that sharing some information puts you at risk. What should you never say on Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site?
Your birth date and place. Sure, you can say what day you were born, but if you provide the year and where you were born too, you’ve just given identity thieves a key to stealing your financial life, said Givens. A study done by Carnegie Mellon showed that a date and place of birth could be used to predict most — and sometimes all — of the numbers in your Social Security number, she said.
Vacation plans. There may be a better way to say “Rob me, please” than posting something along the lines of: “Count-down to Maui! Two days and Ritz Carlton, here we come!” on Twitter. But it’s hard to think of one. Post the photos on Facebook when you return, if you like. But don’t invite criminals in by telling them specifically when you’ll be gone.
Home address. Do I have to elaborate? A study recently released by the Ponemon Institute found that users of Social Media sites were at greater risk of physical and identity theft because of the information they were sharing. Some 40% listed their home address on the sites; 65% didn’t even attempt to block out strangers with privacy settings. And 60% said they weren’t confident that their “friends” were really just people they know.
Confessionals. You may hate your job; lie on your taxes; or be a recreational user of illicit drugs, but this is no place to confess. Employers commonly peruse social networking sites to determine who to hire — and, sometimes, who to fire. Need proof? In just the past few weeks, an emergency dispatcher was fired in Wisconsin for revealing drug use; a waitress got canned for complaining about customers and the Pittsburgh Pirate’s mascot was dumped for bashing the team on Facebook. One study done last year estimated that 8% of companies fired someone for “misuse” of social media.
Password clues. If you’ve got online accounts, you’ve probably answered a dozen different security questions, telling your bank or brokerage firm your Mom’s maiden name; the church you were married in; or the name of your favorite song. Got that same stuff on the information page of your Facebook profile? You’re giving crooks an easy way to guess your passwords.
Risky behaviors. You take your classic Camaro out for street racing, soar above the hills in a hang glider, or smoke like a chimney? Insurers are increasingly turning to the web to figure out whether their applicants and customers are putting their lives or property at risk, according to Insure.com. So far, there’s no efficient way to collect the data, so cancellations and rate hikes are rare. But the technology is fast evolving, according to a paper written by Celent, a financial services research and consulting firm.
MY THOUGHTS
it's fun, isn't it? all these networki g sites where you get to link up with all those people and friends. i'm getting a little uneasy though. i googled myself and i just realized that losing your privacy may not be my cup of tea afterall. well, i still like getting in touch with friends - but not the world (haha). these tips are worth remembering.
By Kathy Kristof
The whole social networking phenomenon has millions of Americans sharing their photos, favorite songs and details about their class reunions on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and dozens of similar sites. But there are a handful of personal details that you should never say if you don’t want criminals — cyber or otherwise — to rob you blind, according to Beth Givens, executive director of the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse.
The folks at Insure.com also say that ill-advised Facebook postings increasingly can get your insurance cancelled or cause you to pay dramatically more for everything from auto to life insurance coverage. By now almost everybody knows that those drunken party photos could cost you a job, too.
You can certainly enjoy networking and sharing photos, but you should know that sharing some information puts you at risk. What should you never say on Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site?
Your birth date and place. Sure, you can say what day you were born, but if you provide the year and where you were born too, you’ve just given identity thieves a key to stealing your financial life, said Givens. A study done by Carnegie Mellon showed that a date and place of birth could be used to predict most — and sometimes all — of the numbers in your Social Security number, she said.
Vacation plans. There may be a better way to say “Rob me, please” than posting something along the lines of: “Count-down to Maui! Two days and Ritz Carlton, here we come!” on Twitter. But it’s hard to think of one. Post the photos on Facebook when you return, if you like. But don’t invite criminals in by telling them specifically when you’ll be gone.
Home address. Do I have to elaborate? A study recently released by the Ponemon Institute found that users of Social Media sites were at greater risk of physical and identity theft because of the information they were sharing. Some 40% listed their home address on the sites; 65% didn’t even attempt to block out strangers with privacy settings. And 60% said they weren’t confident that their “friends” were really just people they know.
Confessionals. You may hate your job; lie on your taxes; or be a recreational user of illicit drugs, but this is no place to confess. Employers commonly peruse social networking sites to determine who to hire — and, sometimes, who to fire. Need proof? In just the past few weeks, an emergency dispatcher was fired in Wisconsin for revealing drug use; a waitress got canned for complaining about customers and the Pittsburgh Pirate’s mascot was dumped for bashing the team on Facebook. One study done last year estimated that 8% of companies fired someone for “misuse” of social media.
Password clues. If you’ve got online accounts, you’ve probably answered a dozen different security questions, telling your bank or brokerage firm your Mom’s maiden name; the church you were married in; or the name of your favorite song. Got that same stuff on the information page of your Facebook profile? You’re giving crooks an easy way to guess your passwords.
Risky behaviors. You take your classic Camaro out for street racing, soar above the hills in a hang glider, or smoke like a chimney? Insurers are increasingly turning to the web to figure out whether their applicants and customers are putting their lives or property at risk, according to Insure.com. So far, there’s no efficient way to collect the data, so cancellations and rate hikes are rare. But the technology is fast evolving, according to a paper written by Celent, a financial services research and consulting firm.
MY THOUGHTS
it's fun, isn't it? all these networki g sites where you get to link up with all those people and friends. i'm getting a little uneasy though. i googled myself and i just realized that losing your privacy may not be my cup of tea afterall. well, i still like getting in touch with friends - but not the world (haha). these tips are worth remembering.
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