The Dos and Don’ts of Facebook Dating
Logging on to find love? Here's how to make a successful connection through social networking
Kimberly Dawn Neumann ON Oct 25, 2010 at 2:56PM
The Dos and Don’ts of Facebook Dating
Tempted to troll Facebook for dates? Experts say you should keep a few key rules in mind. Here, former The Bachelor star Matt Grant (you know, the cute British guy with over 3000 FB friends) and dating guru David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers, share seven cyber-dos and don’ts to help you secure your happy ending. We call it social date-working.
DO: Your Homework
Peruse your list of Facebook pals, then take a peek at their friend lists, suggests Wygant. Intrigued by someone you find there? Instead of shooting over a blind friend request, you can up your chances of a successful love connection by asking your mutual friend about that individual first. Just saying, "What do I have to do to get you to e-troduce us?” is usually enough to get the ball rolling. And don’t be afraid to pick the brain of your friend beforehand. He or she may be able to offer you some interesting tidbits about your new potential lover's personality and lifestyle, and that can help you decide if you’re truly compatible.
DO: Stand Out in the Crowd
Once your friend gives you the heads up, send your new love interest a light FB note like, “Hey, I’m Bill’s friend and I would love to chat if you’re game,” suggests Wygant. But don’t forget to include something of substance in this message, something to bond over. “For example, mention a comment they made on your shared friend’s profile, like, ‘We’re both in total agreement over the healthcare issue,’ or quote something you saw on their profile.” Search for common ground. “That way the initial connection becomes more about meaningful, shared interests -- not simple superficiality like ‘I saw your photo and think you’re hot,’” says Wygant.
DON’T: Come On Too Strong
“You would not believe how many women send me inappropriate photos of themselves via Facebook because of my appearance on The Bachelor,” says Grant, whose TV stint prompted an avalanche of FB friend requests. "It tells me they are likely only interested in appearances -- not a real relationship," he says.
DON’T: Dwell On Rejection
News stories of psychos on the Net can lead even the friendliest of people to throw up their iGuard. If you’re rejected, don’t ruminate, just move on. “People should be allowed to choose whether they accept or deny access without feeling guilty, and anyone on Facebook needs to understand that’s part of the process and not take it personally,” says Grant.
DO: Establish Boundaries
Though you may be tempted by popular apps that display your whereabouts -- Foursquare, anyone? -- when it comes to dating, discretion and privacy are at a premium. Don't advertise your location unless you are prepared to face the conquences, as in, “Why were you at a bar last night when you told me you had a headache and were staying at home?" Take the time to review your Facebook privacy settings, says Wygant. “Less information is always better, since more info can lead to misinterpretation,” he says. “Be as general as possible and only share a few personal tidbits.”
DON’T: Forget the Golden Rule
Be kind out there, and don’t let a snarky status update ruin your chances at love. Words travel fast online, and much like that game of Telephone, where one person whispers something to the next and so on and so forth until suddenly it’s twisted, an ugly word from you could get back to your date and really muck things up. “Let’s say you post that you had a horrible date. Now 300 people can read that update, and one of them could be best friends with the person you went out with, so you're basically publicly shaming somebody,” says Wygant. The bottom line: Speaking ill of others on FB is not an attractive trait.
DO: Give a Guy a Chance
You may prefer only to have Facebook friends whom you’ve met in person. If so, and a stranger reaches out to you, make sure you have a separate, nondescript email address on hand for them, Wygant suggests. That way you can politely write back and say something like, “I'm flattered you took the initiative to friend me, but I keep my Facebook page limited to people I’ve actually met in person, since I post personal information. But if you’d like to tell me a little more about yourself, feel free to email username@dot.com.” It’s a polite way to maintain your privacy, and keeps open the option of social date-working without giving the whole world access to your FB page.
MY THOUGHTS
by far,i have not really heard of anyone who's actually looking for FB dates. well, maybe my circle is past the "seeking" and "running after" games. the rules seem very sensible though.
